Firefly Duet: New Beginnings and Lasting Love Page 18

  Jim sighed. “Thank you, doctor. Can I see him?”

  “Of course, take your time.” The doctor motioned for Jim to enter the room before he headed toward the nurses’ station, turning back halfway there. “It can help if you talk to Jett. He may not be able to communicate right now, but he can likely hear you, and there are proven results shown from patients being encouraged.”

  The lights on one of the machines blinked as he surveyed the various bandages holding Jett together. What each particular machine did to help keep his brother alive, he wasn’t sure.

  If you don’t live, I’m going to kick your ass.

  He didn’t say the words out loud, figuring that wasn’t the kind of pep talk the doctor had in mind. Running his hand through his hair, he sat down next to the bed.

  “Sofia left recently. I’ve been thinking a lot about Mom lately. Kai and I were lucky. We got a lot more years with her than you did. You were just a boy. She loved us something fierce, didn’t she?” Jett’s face remained still and peaceful. “Between your drinking and my letting Sofia go, she’d think us both fools. I know one thing—you need to quit drinking so you can take care of your boy. Jesus, Jett, you have a son.”

  His voice sounded awkward to him, self-conscious. Several nurses circulated throughout the ICU.

  “As for me, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” Jim groaned, resting his head on the edge of the bedrail. Warmth from a hand on his head comforted and for a split second he imagined it to be his mother, the gentleness like hers. Jett’s hand slowly slipped back to the mattress as he lifted his head. Standing, he leaned close, listening as Jett struggled to speak.

  “You’re a chickenshit.”

  “I should have told her I loved her.”

  “Chickenshit.”

  He clasped his brother’s hand and sat down, laughing so hard one of the nurses stopped to ask if everything was okay.

  “My brother called me chickenshit.”

  “I take it this is a good thing?” the nurse said, her smile gentle.

  He wiped tears with the back of his hand. “It’s the best thing.”

  It was late when Jim returned home.

  “Hey, Rafe.”

  “Hey. How’s Jett doing?”

  “He opened his eyes and said a few words today.”

  “Good. What’d he say?”

  “I told him I let Sofia go back to New York without telling her I love her. He told me I was a chickenshit.”

  “Nailed it,” Rafe agreed with a bark of laughter.

  “I have to fix it. I need to get on an airplane and fix it. I need to bring her back here. I love her.”

  “So you’re asking me for permission or something?”

  “No, shit. I don’t know.”

  “You scared?”

  “Fuck, yes.”

  “Well, that’s good. You should be. This is big, man. When’s the last time you felt this scared?”

  “Besides every moment since I met her?”

  “That’s what I figured.” Rafe talked over his shoulder as he headed toward the kitchen. “What you got is something at stake.” He opened the fridge, handing Jim a beer. “It’s about damn time too. Good or bad, that has to put some fire in your belly. Go to New York.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Hell, yeah.”

  Jim took a sip of beer. “What about RJ?”

  Rafe faced him with a gleam in his eye. “I’ll take care of him. Me and Doc Cindy. He knows her already and I can help out. I’d like to.”

  “Uh huh, I bet you would.” Jim chuckled following Rafe back to the living room. “There is one other thing.”

  “Lay it on me.” Rafe sat on the couch.

  “Dad fired me.” Jim settled into the armchair next to the couch. “From the lodge.”

  Rafe sat forward. “No shit? Ben?”

  “That’s the one.” Jim put his feet up on the coffee table. “I guess fired is the wrong word. Demoted. I’m not in charge anymore. He wants someone with a bigger vision,” he said, adding air quotes.

  Rafe nodded. “Like your girl. Or Jett for that matter.”

  Jim pulled his feet from the table, landing his boots on the floor with a thud. “Screw you. Thanks for the support.”

  Rafe waved his hand up and down. “Sit down. Come on. You know what your dad’s doing.”

  “What?”

  His friend rolled his eyes. “Your dad thinks the sun rises and falls with you. You’re the only person who thinks the lodge is a requirement or a test you have to pass before you’re forgiven by your family for being gone all these years. Remember how we’d talk about guys who were their own ghost sniper in the Army. They took themselves out, missed the victory, because they didn’t understand the mission. You’re the assist, dude.”

  Jim sat again, putting his head back and closed his eyes.

  “Who really needs to have a challenge like the lodge when he gets back on his feet?”

  “Jett.”

  “Who decides what kind of life she wants, kids or no kids? Or, for that matter, if she wants you.”

  Jim groaned. “Sofia.”

  “Hell, you decided everything for her by not telling her the truth. Ease up. You don’t have to be everyone’s protector in order for them to love you.” Rafe sat back with a look of satisfaction on his face. “Now go pack for New York so I can play house with Doc Cindy for a couple days.”

  New York

  * * *

  No matter how many military flights he’d been on heading overseas, anticipating violence at the other side, nothing could compare to the agony of this middle-of-the-night return to New York. His boyhood pain hadn’t gone away in a flash of lightning, but in his homecoming he’d realized his family still needed him, and he them. Sofia’s presence eased his way.

  I don’t want to save her. I don’t want her to save me. I don’t want a desperate love between us out of fear of losing someone again. What I want is the chance to show up for her every day of the rest of my life.

  Several hours later, he landed in New York. Turning his phone back on immediately, he listened to her voice, asking about his family and ending the message with an almost whispered, “I miss Colorado.”

  He put his sunglasses on as he walked through the airport, not giving a rat’s ass about the need to hide his eyes.

  If you let me, I’ll never miss another chance to tell you I love you.

  First, he came to talk to Mia and Frank Russo—not for old-fashioned reasons or because Sofia wasn’t the one to make her own decisions. Partly it was because of her brother, Anthony. Funny to put so much stock in a person he’d never met, whom he would never meet. He wanted something…the blessing of yesterday before asking her to take his hand and walk forward…together.

  Repositioning his hat, he took a deep breath and examined the skyline retreating as the ferry headed toward Staten Island. He’d left in such haste he wasn’t sure her parents would even be home and had no plan for how to get to the Russos’ house.

  At the station he ended up hitching a ride with a guy he asked for directions. The kid had played football for her brother a year ago. Waving as the young man drove away, Jim turned to face the front door and found Mia Russo smiling at him.

  “What brings you back to New York?”

  “Mia, stop it.” Frank reached around his wife and extended his hand. “Jim, it’s good to see you. Come on in. Sofia’s not here, she’s in the city.”

  Stepping inside, he stood still. Moving boxes were piled everywhere. People milled in and out of rooms, eating and talking. Kids ran and laughed, weaving around corners.

  “I should have called first. My apologies.”

  “Don’t mind the mess or the people. This is all family.” Mia waved as a way of introduction, and several people smiled and said hello. “We’re getting ready to go to the homecoming game later. Anthony’s scholarship is going to be announced at half-time.”

  “You want a drink, son?” Frank asked.

  �
��Yes, sir,” Jim said.

  “I thought so. You look as miserable as Sofia does. Let’s go sit in the den.”

  “I’m coming too.” Mia followed. “How’s your brother doing?”

  After he gave an update on Jett’s progress, the three of them sat on leather furniture, facing each other. Jim sat on the smallest love seat he’d ever seen. His eyes traveled the trophies and football photographs adorning the walls.

  “We’re retiring and downsizing. This room will be hard to pack. We’ll probably save this one for last,” Frank said.

  “Maybe we should get it over with.” Mia looked to Frank who nodded his agreement before she continued. “You know Sofia took every one of these photographs. Did she tell you we’re moving?”

  “No. I’m glad I came, then. I wanted to see the place where Sofia grew up, the place where Sofia and Anthony grew up together.” He took a swallow of his drink and let his eyes rest on his glass. “I’m more nervous than I thought I’d be.” He laughed, looking up.

  Mia put down her drink and squeezed in next to Jim on the tiny couch. “Tell us why you’re here.”

  “For God’s sake, Mia, if the man wasn’t terrified before, he is now.”

  “Mr. and Mrs. Russo, I love your daughter.” Facing Sofia’s mother first, then her father, he paused before continuing. “I shouldn’t have let her leave Colorado without telling her.”

  He could do awkward silence with the best of them, but the impatient sigh from Frank Russo was a particular kind of torture.

  Sofia’s mother shifted close, linking her arm with his. “Why didn’t you?”

  “I’ve been thinking a lot about legacy. I left home as soon as I could after my mother died. I’m not sure she’d be proud of how long it took me to go back.”

  “Mothers are always proud.” Mia squeezed his arm. “Go on.”

  “I thought I could make up for lost time by fixing up Mercy Mountain Lodge for my dad. Truth is, my brother, once he’s better, will be more suited to leading that effort. It’s been tough fitting back in with the family and living up to expectations.”

  Frank nodded. “We’ve been having some conversations here too about expectations. With Sofia.”

  Jim set down his drink and took a deep breath.

  It’s now or never.

  “I didn’t tell your daughter how I feel about her because I can’t necessarily give her all the things she wants.” Jim clasped his hands together. “Or that the two of you want.” He looked from one to the other. “I have a …a medical condition. I can’t have children. Of my own. I’ve known for most of my life.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that, son.”

  He closed his eyes for a brief moment trying to hide loss when Sofia’s mother lifted from the seat next to him. He opened his eyes when she said his name.

  Mia held out her hand for Frank to hold. “Anthony, had he lived, would probably have had as many children as your sister Kai. And we would have loved them dearly. More than we can ever put into words.”

  Jim nodded.

  “We can’t speak for Sofia,” Frank added. “We can only tell you that we’re a family struggling our way through our grief. I’d say you and your family can well understand this type of pain.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Jim,” Mia said. “None of us are going to come out the other side of loss, if we don’t expand our ideas about how and where love is available to us.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Russo.”

  The pocket door to the den cracked open and a small boy dressed in an oversized football jersey stuck his head in.

  “Great-Aunt Nora wants to know if the cowboy is going to take Sofia back to Colorado with him because she said if Sofia won’t go, she’ll go.” At that, the boy’s face turned bright red and he slid the door shut. A huge round of laughter came from outside the room.

  “Well, I guess I can’t lose, then.”

  Mia and Frank appeared desperate to maintain straight faces before bursting with laughter.

  He didn’t stay much longer, going on a quick tour of the house with Sofia’s mother before he walked the gauntlet of slaps on the back on his way to the front door. He declined riding with the majority of Sofia’s relatives to the high school, accepting a ride from Sofia’s Uncle Rudy instead.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to sit with the family before half-time?”

  “I’d rather not take any attention away from the ceremony for Anthony. I’ll make my way over after,” Jim answered, his nerves kicking into high gear as he was dropped off.

  “Understood. Good luck.”

  Chapter 23

  “How are you doing?” Delia asked as they walked arm in arm through the parking lot of their old high school toward the stadium.

  Sofia shrugged. “I’m okay. It feels weird to be back here.”

  “At the school? Or do you mean, New York?”

  “Both.”

  “I’m sorry it all came to such an abrupt ending in Colorado. Have you spoken with Jim since you returned?”

  Sofia shook her head. “No. I left him a voicemail earlier today. Kai sent me an email. It’s only been a few days, but Jett is doing better already. Awake more.”

  “That’s great news.” Her best friend patted her arm. “I’m so glad tonight is a mini-heat wave so we won’t freeze in the stands during the game. I’m so proud of you.”

  Sofia stopped walking. “Why?”

  “Because you’ve been through a lot and your family has too. Anthony would love the scholarship.”

  “He would. God, I miss him so much.”

  “Me too. Besides my dad, he was probably the only other man I felt safe enough to be my real self around,” Delia said.

  “Anthony loved you, you know.” Sofia giggled. “Remember when he made you laugh so hard that chocolate milk came out your nose?”

  “You do recall he called me squirt from then on, right?”

  “It feels good to laugh,” Sofia said. “I’m glad I’m staying with you tonight. I don’t think I could go back to the house. Everything is in disarray with my parents packing to move. Thanks for being here for me.”

  Her best friend put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “Always.”

  Sofia would have liked the team to play better, but the Port Vincent Tigers were down by fourteen points at the half. Nervous butterflies skittered through her as the band finished and the football team came back and gathered mid-field for the ceremony to honor Anthony. Making her way down the bleachers with her parents, all her aunts, uncles, and cousins, she couldn’t help but smile as her big, boisterous family took their place next to the team.

  “Thank you for joining us for this special half-time presentation to honor our late colleague, Coach Russo,” the principal said. “If you would, please stand for a moment of silence.”

  Sofia shook her head and breathed in deeply as the crowd rose, removing their hats, and the stadium went quiet.

  Anthony.

  “Now, I would like to welcome Coach Anthony’s father, Frank, to share a special announcement the Russo family wishes to share with all of you.”

  She steeled her emotions as her dad walked to the microphone and cleared his throat.

  “It would mean the world to Anthony to see all of you here tonight to honor him. It means the world to us, to me. To his mother, Mia; sister, Sofia; and our entire family. Thank you.”

  Lifting her chin, she barely kept tears from tipping over the edge to her cheeks as the crowd applauded.

  “Anthony was very proud of his time at Port Vincent as a coach. So proud of his boys. His coaching staff. He would have stayed here forever. I really believe that. This place. This school. This city. This was his dream.”

  She made eye contact with her dad at the emphasis to his words and smiled back.

  “Now and in the future we can remain part of that dream through two scholarships the Russo family is offering to the high school.”

  Turning to her mother, Sofia held up two f
ingers as a question.

  “One scholarship is for outstanding performance in high school athletics,” Frank said. “This will be in Anthony’s name. The second is for outstanding talent in the arts. This will be in our daughter’s name, Sofia. She’s an outstanding photographer.”

  She covered her face with her hands and wept as her mother’s arms encircled her.

  “Please, indulge me for one more moment.” Her father paused as the crowd’s encouragement grew in volume and enthusiasm. “Grief is all the love stored up that you don’t know where to put when someone is gone. It’s so easy to store it. To shy away, in our pain, from sharing that love ever again. We must not grow scared to dream for ourselves again. Let us be brave, each of us, going forward.”

  Sofia lifted her gaze, her heart pounding at the handsome dark-haired man looking at her from the sidelines as the first shouts of “Coach Russo” floated into the air.

  He waited until the Russo family was seated again before climbing the steps toward Sofia. He took off his hat with a smile to her friend Delia who scooted down the row to make room for him as he approached.

  “Is this seat taken?” He sat, laughing with relief when Sofia climbed onto his lap in a full body hug.

  “You’re here.”

  “I was hoping we could talk after the game.”

  A tear fell as she nodded enthusiastically and hugged him again.

  “Don’t cry, sweetheart.” Over her shoulder he took in the expectant look from Sofia’s relatives.

  “That’s it?” Sofia’s Uncle Rudy asked. “After the game?”

  Sofia sat back. “That’s my uncle. He’s teasing.”

  “Frank, I think he missed your speech a few minutes ago about bravery,” Rudy added, scanning the rest of the family, many of whom nodded in response. “Boy, you didn’t come to the house this afternoon without a purpose.”

  “You were at my house?” Sofia asked.